I found out today that Kelly Holmes, an inspiration of mine, believes that trans women are males and shouldn’t be allowed to compete. She agrees with this completely transphobic thread. “they would be my words exactly”
“England is transphobic hell. Fellow athletes suggesting we are cheats without caring to look into any evidence. This is shocking from this person. A failure of empathy and a failure to look into the truth.”
“I am running the London Marathon this year for the LGBT foundation I currently compete against males, and will never win a race, but when I can I will run as female, I will take courage from people like Rosa Parks, I’m not going to give up my seat Just because I am trans. Shame on you all.“
I don’t really know how to handle this. It seems like every day or week the temperature is increasing another notch in hell. This is a problem pretty specific to England. I don’t really know how I am managing to be honest. Why am I still here? I want to do the London Marathon.
I linked the thread in question above. On twitter I also pointed towards the scientific studies around trans people participating in sports. Something surprisingly few (read none) are willing to do before using their platform to tell the world we are cheaters.
Total Training: 308.8k Week 7: 18.1k Week 8: 36.1k
Well, if you read my previous post. Week 7 is easy to summarise. On Monday I went for a long run. Unfortunately my foot went down a hole about 2 miles from home. I thought it might have broken my ankle but fortunately it turned out to be a sprain. Here’s the run.
My ankle swelled up overnight but I could walk on it pain free (aside from putting shoes on). I left it a week so that was my training for week 7. Fortunately I got 15k in before I went down! I jogged home to avoid freezing so that definitely counts too!
I got back into it last week. The sprain was only effecting me if I needed to balance my foot. Like when running on uneven ground. So I tried to keep mostly to pavements, but also just to stay more alert to my footing.
As you can see I am pretty much back to normal. It is less mileage than I hoped but I couldn’t run on Sunday as I helped a friend move house. I have done a half marathon this Monday which is technically week 9. So week 9 may end up seeming to be too much mileage, but its nothing to worry about. I hope to push beyond the half marathon distance (21k) on Sunday (or Monday)
The 12k run on Wednesday was with a friend, where I literally stole chocolate from a child. I will definitely have to make up for that, sorry Jose and Oscar 😉 . I had planned to run with Jose but went for a run the day before. After a couple of k with Jose I could feel like I was running on empty and got a massive craving for a mars bar. I had planned to run home also but ended up getting a tram. People were looking at me oddly as I was wearing a headtorch after running out of the woods/river.
Sorry again about the late update. Things have not been going well, its a good job I have running to fall back on. And raising money for a great cause. Thank you again to everyone who has donated.
Had another low few days, so haven’t gotten around to writing although hope to get some new things up soon. I went for a run on monday after missing didsbury runners because I saw something shitty and transphobic in the news. Despair washed over me. I wrote about it on facebook, which is where I sometimes scream.
“I was just about to go to Didsbury runners then read this. Citing a single case of assault, the government is telling everyone that all trans women are men. It disturbs me that people don’t speak out against transphobia, feels like this is incubating transphobia. Meanwhile trans women are dying in mens prisons. When I die feel free to drop me down a manhole, just another tranny after all, who gives a fuck.”
It was dark and I didn’t want to stay in all day, its a horrible feeling. I went out and let some stress out on the run, headtorch down the river and through the woods, back upriver, through more woods and around a waterpark.
On the way back I was distracted in my mind and had time to notice my foot hadn’t hit the cround, before it twisted horribly and made a cracking noise, then the rest of me smashed into the floor. Pain washed over me. It was freezing, I was wearing a hoody (something I need to do more when running) so I needed to get moving or call for help.
After cursing the ground and sky and all their lineage for 20 seconds I tried walking. It was painful. After a while though it subsided a bit so carried on, I would walk home but it would be cold.
The pain kept decreasing so I tried running, it was too painful at first so I stopped but then I found I could jog without much pain. That simplified things a lot. I managed to limp jog the 3k back home and had a shower and started the ice pressure and elevation. It is swollen still but not very painful. The tendons are going to be weak for a while but I should be able to keep running I hope. Nothing will stop me from the marathon if I am still here to do it.
Sorry, I don’t think I can take a flattering picture of a swollen ankle!
The good news was that I felt great during the run. The day before I had to cut a long run short as my legs were mysteriously like jelly, the difference was massive. This has happened before but I can usually put it down to something. Poor food, worked too hard day before, not enough rest etc. I was socialising on Saturday and that does take a lot out of me so maybe it is why.
Thank you to everyone who has donated to the LGBT foundation. I am extremely grateful for your support.
Total Training: 254.6k Week 5: 47.8k Week 6: 37.0k
Well that’s 158 miles in my legs.
I was feeling pretty bad the last few weeks so haven’t made a post but glad to be back. I have still been running as you can see. Don’t think anything can stop that, I started in a mental hospital after all so cant get much worse.
Week 5 was my biggest running week in this training cycle
I have to come clean, I bought a gopro. I have wanted one for a long time and since I am going through this transition once, I wanted to document it. Not that I can afford it. So after it came on Monday of week 5 I went out with it and filmed a long run.
The next day I went to a suicide prevention workshop at the LGBT foundation. I wanted to save money so I ended up running there. It’s a little further than I thought , about 6.3k each way. In the end though, running was faster than the tram and cheaper than the bus. So success!
On Thursday I did some hill sprints on the treadcmill at the gym. These were in order to improve my running form. You cant run with poor form when you are going at it up a hill. I noticed a few things during the session that I have been putting into my normal running too, so it was a success! For example I was really driving my knee up to help carry me forwards in the air.
On Sunday I did a 10 mile long run, after getting better at working the camera and getting a chest harness I got to film the whole run in a timelapse. It looks super smooth. I also talked for a bit halfway through and was pleased with how it cam e out. I seemed more confidant than usual even if my male voice upset me. You can see the whole 10 miles in just 6 minutes here.
Let me know what you think. Keeping it simple at moment, I want to get more into video editing and maybe figure out how to mix timelapse in without including the whole run. Unless you want the whole run. Some bits are more beautiful than others and would be better to slow down the timelapse for those sections. Anyway hope you enjoy let me know what you think.
Got a little bit less distance this week, which I will come to later. I did a treadmill run on Tuesday, after I got back from the gym I was in the shower, had just put shampoo in and soap when everything went black. The power cut out, so the shower cut off and it was freezing in my flat. Just had to dry as best I could and wait for the power to come back ( 4 hours! ). Fortunately I have a lot of battery power and torches so could read and see. I got a takeaway pizza as I had no food cooked.
I went to a run and talk organised by Didsbury Runners. It was at one of these events last year that I came out to someone as transgender. This time I didn’t really talk much but was good to see people and get out. I was feeling pretty rubbish so it helped.
On Friday I did a fast 10k. It was very windy so happy with that time and I didn’t push as hard as I intended. Still my 10K PB is from a 21K race so have some time to knock off. Strava says this was my 2nd fastest 10k (44:16) and it felt OK, could have gone a lot further without slowing. I hope you enjoy my run names.
Yesterday I went out intending to do a long run of 11 miles, maybe more, but after 200m or less I could tell something was wrong, I just had no strength in my legs, they were like jelly, so I tried to carry on but turned back eventually. It felt like I was at the end of a marathon, my legs were not strong, which increases injury risk as your joints aren’t suppported properly. I wasn’t out of breath but just felt exhausted. At one point someone thought I was racing them which was quite odd. After persisting for 5k I dragged myself home with my tail between my legs. I aren’t really sure why, possibly from the fast 10k on Friday. Possibly I have been ill. I have had a few days hearing the blood pounding in my head, even though no cold symptoms or anything. My average HR has been high again also. Maybe I am anaemic. Anaemia has happened before during marathon training but I aren’t far in yet. Its just one run so nothing to worry about anyway.
Have now been self medicating on estradiol for a while. Hoping to get some external help but again it will cost money. I will see what happens. After waiting 17 months, to join a 12 month waiting list, I have been told that there may actually be another 11 month waiting list after that. So it seems like the NHS plan is to let trans people commit suicide. Other GIC’s have waiting lists up to 5 years, if this is true then Leeds is almost at 4 years. How do you cut down a 4 year waiting list, well one plan it seems is to turn it into 3 back to back waiting lists. It is unacceptable, I feel like I am treated as a non human by the NHS.
That wasn’t very positive to end on. I went to the LGBT foundation on Saturday and met a friend, Stafani for her birthday. It was super nice to see her, although she beet me at connect 4. I also went to a pod-casting workshop where What the Trans did a live episode. I am a big fan of their podcast and got to meet them after with the GoPro.
My hand was really shaking so you can see how well the stabilisation works in the camera. Mic is very good too. They were amazing, and you dont get to meet your heroes often.
So I was thinking about doing a transgender running podcast in the future 😀 What do you think I should call it?
Hi I know I’ve missed a few posts now. I have just been struggling with things more than usual. I will get a training update for the last 2 weeks and continue my C25K story with week one.
I was at Trans Manchester yesterday and had a good day, even met the makers of “What the Trans” and they talked about how to do a podcast, so maybe even a podcast in the future. I love these two ladies and managed to meet them and film it on the GoPro.
Also was my friends birthday so was good to get out and meet people.
Here’s some interesting data on detransitioning and the importance of recognising someone’s gender identity. If you have heard that GIC’s push people down the path of transitioning, or transgender people encouraging others to transition, you have been grossly misinformed please can people stop “warning” me about this. When I talk to my trans friends they are the most comfortable people with themselves and most introspective individuals I have had the pleasure of meeting, who else has been so true to themselves that they have faced huge amounts of stigma, simply to be themselves. They encourage me only to do whatever is right for me. They don’t care if I am trans or I change my mind. The unanimous advice I recieved from people at the LGBT foundation and trans friends was to be honest at my GIC appointment. If you think we could do this on a whim then you should consider what we have to go through whenever we leave the house. Why am I happy to run through the woods at midnight on ice but scared to use a public toilet.
All of the hallmarks of the homophobic campaigns of the past are being dragged out missing nary a beat. An MP David Davies has encouraged people to listen to transphobic hate groups such as transgender trend. Mumsnet has become a breeding ground of transphobia where conversations of parents of trans children are shut down and organised efforts have potentially caused trans children charity Mermaids to lose lottery funding. This charity’s CEO talks of how she kept suicide watch over her daughter and didn’t want any other parents to go through the same. The funding was to be used to set up support groups and coffee mornings for parents of trans and questioning children to meet. The people who signed that petition prefer trans children to commit suicide rather than be trans. These groups are also buddied up with anti LGBT far right groups in the US. Being LGBT is not “trendy” it isn’t a choice. Good luck bullying someone into being LGBT.
Scratch a transphobe find a racist.
All I am asking is that people be aware that this is going on. It is playing out on the BBC and in the media. It clearly has affected people I know. There is a lot of gaslighting happening people with “concerns” who are constantly on the media saying how much they are silenced by a “powerful transgender lobby”.
Soon in the US it looks like transgender soldiers are going to lose their jobs, this is happening. We are a currently wedge issue for the far right agenda.
I think I need a distraction so I am going to talk about this.
I like zombie films and books. The thing is, I have never been entirely satisfied with one. The closest I have come maybe Pontypool the movie and World War Z the book. It has been like having an itch I can’t scratch. Did you know there’s kind of a word for that. Acnestis is the name for an area of the body you cant reach with your hands, well actually its usually applied to animals but we are animals so there. But that isn’t quite right anyway as I am talking about the kind of itch that isn’t in Acnestis, but no matter how hard you try, scratching doesn’t help. Its like an itch in the fourth dimension
I think my problem is that I am obsessed with the bits that concern the breakdown and fall of civilisation, the kind of stuff that is within the first few chapters, and some films skip entirely. So when I read a book it always slumps after the first few chapters. Then everything is the same. I think World War Z sidestepped this by being a compilation of reports that are around the fall, instead of being about one particular group. Pontypool gets around it by being so interesting aside from the zombie aspect. I recommend everyone watches Pontypool, its not a zombie movie.
It got me thinking about writing a book, I haven’t written a book before, obviously. One of the most powerful things I learnt from running though is that some things can seem out of reach and impossible, ruled out… like running used to be for me, but with enough practice you get good at it. I have been trying to learn to draw and paint and write over the last few months. I keep having a crisis though and losing everything. But maybe if I try it will become a hobby like running.
I watch a youtube channel and really recommend it, its called Peter Draws. I think by repeating what he does anyone can get into drawing.
Like with running we have a preconceived idea of what drawing is. It’s a masterpiece the first go. Effortlessly good. We ignore the fact that they tried and failed so many times that they got good at it. Its about learning to enjoy the failures. Its the same with running. Couch to 5k starts with one minute runs. They feel extremely hard because we push so hard because we think that running means running as fast as someone else. When we actually relax and just enjoy the process of running we realise that we can run and start enjoying it. Masterpieces and speed come later if we ever want them. Maybe we just like doodling?