Month: Dec 2018

London Marathon Update #1: 600meters

Hello everyone!

In a complete surprise, I recently got into the London Marathon, I still can’t believe it. I will be running to raise money for the LGBT foundation, please consider donating on my virginmoney giving page:

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/SofieLewis

It has been a huge blessing as it is something constructive to work on, and also to use all the negative energy I get for being trans in a positive way. It is also a huge honour to run for the LGBT foundation.

All the times I go on twitter, all the times I walk down the street and people look at me and then down with a look of disgust on their face, as if to say, “I am not impressed, look at what you are wearing” all the times people whisper to their partner when they see me coming and I hear them laughing at me as I walk past, all the crap on the news… Fuel for the fire!!!!!

Post crosstrainer world record earlier in week :p

I keep saying it is a surprise and it really is. To show how popular the London Marathon has become, this year 21 members of Didsbury Runners, including myself, entered the ballot. Out of 21 of us, 0 got in, nought, zero!

So how did this happen? I attend events at the LGBT foundation for transgender and nonbinary and questioning people, it has helped a lot even before I had come out, and it helps a lot now to meet people and be somewhere with people who understand, to get advice and friendship. People who know me know I don’t leave the house under any circumstances, unless its a run, and I will get my shopping on the way back from a run if I am particularly low. So the fact I go to these events shows they are useful. At the end of October I was very down, due to all the transphobic media around trans people and the GRA consultation, by the way, the media never let up since then unfortunately. I read an article published by the LGBT foundation, called the harm of trans misrepresentation.

https://lgbt.foundation/news/the-harm-of-trans-misrepresentation/237

I was so happy that somebody somewhere was on our side. I was feeling annoyed, depressed and powerless at the time and wanted to help in any way I could so I wrote an email to the LGBT foundation to ask if they had any charity places. I expected not and indeed they had all been assigned.

But a few weeks later I got an email saying that Virgin Money Manchester Lounge had organised extra places for the LGBT foundation, and would I still like to run for them? It can take me years to send an email or reply to text messages but it didn’t take long for this one.

I have also been contacted by Virgin Money Manchester Lounge and they are going to help me with fund raising in the new year.

It is all good news, I thank you everyone who has already donated and please donate if you can, the LGBT foundation are kick ass!!!!

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/SofieLewis

I am thinking of things to do, should I do training runs in a costume to help raise money? I will look for a unicorn running outfit 😀

I am still doing crosstrainer world records at the gym, it turns out that I may indeed have broken one of the machines, as it has no resistance any more, hence why I could so 1470 calories. But yesterday I was on it, burning up a lot of hate from the streets and the internet, kicking ass, and doing it for the LGBT foundation and managed to get 1396 calories in 60 minutes, so I am tantalisingly close to getting 1400. It was extremely hard! I am running it on max resistance and If you really step on the gas you can add about 1 to 1.5 cal per minute, so something in me is getting fitter since I have gone from 20 cal/min average to 23.3 cal/min average for 1 hour.

Was on 1396 cal at the 60 min mark, so close… I am dying at this point

As for running………

My foot is feeling a lot better! It is still sore at times but after doing the crosstrainer world record, I did a run!!! My first one in 4 weeks and 2 days. It was only for 600m, I did it carefully on the treadmill and my foot held up. Everything feels unusual but it wont take long to get back in the rhythm. My Strava training log is very bare looking 😦 it barely even registers as a blob! I have been doing a lot of crosstrainer world records in the mean time!

If you had told me I wouldnt run for 5 weeks after the bolton abbey half I wouldnt have believed you, I felt fine. Also wouldnt believe I’d be in the London Marathon.

Because I only found out about the London Marathon whilst injured, All my runs this side of the injury will count as training. So my total mileage is currently 600m, many more to come but slow and steady.

I will keep you all updated regarding mileage, hope to get a nice total before the race. The key I have realised is not to get injured before the marathon!! :p

I have had other nice things happen which I hope to share soon.

Lots of love, thankyou all!!!!

Sofie Xx

Sleep Paralysis -Wolf

Rarely, I get something called sleep paralysis. It’s where you wake up but your motor functions are still disabled. So you cant move. But you are still in a way dreaming, so your brain adds things to what you can see, like audio and visual hallucinations.

It happens to me when I sleep on my back, which is something I don’t/can’t usually do, but sometimes I must roll over in the night and I wake up like that on my back. 

Tonight I woke up on my back and I heard a loud low growl from the floor at the bottom of my bed. I was stuck on my back for quite a long time and whenever I try to move I hear it again. I think this was the longest and scariest sleep paralysis of mine. I can’t see anything over my covers. I struggle using 100% of my willpower to raise just one hand, pushing the covers up to see but it only feels like I raise it an inch. “GRRRRRRRRR”. I then hear it padding around the side of the bed, towards me, growling. I can see the top of its back not above the covers. It’s a wolf. I knew it was a wolf as soon as I woke up. It goes back down the room where it came, and I continue struggling. Then in the corner of the room I see it walking up the wall, like some kind of vampire wolf, it stands on the ceiling and looks at me. “GRRRRRRRRRR”. It leaps at me, but goes over the bed right over me. Some point after this I get control back. I manage to sit up but its a real struggle, I am still quite weak. I see nothing there, turn on my side and go back to sleep.

During these events I am aware/hopeful that it is sleep paralysis. It is scary though, but the only way out of it is usually to go back to sleep. I think during the first few minutes I was in and out of sleep, but it is hard to tell obviously. It is usually just an audio hallucination for me and rarely I see things as well. Usually just hearing someone talking in my room.

It is suspected that sleep paralysis is responsible for many alien abduction stories. It would convince someone it had really happened if they hadn’t heard of it before. It happens in different ways to people but it seems to be quite suggestible, for example, many years ago people would dream of the “old nag” an old lady sitting on your chest. A lot of people find it hard to breathe due to the paralysis, however I never notice that. Then a lot of people reported greys standing around them. For me it has been more random. This was the first time for me it has been a wolf who visited. I have had Jose before talking about football, that was an audio only one! Today a lot of my muscles and my neck are quite sore, I probably ended up in an awkward position.

Makeover, Crosstrainer “World* Record #2″**, passport photos and how the media wants to kill me

As womens hour continued to pour poison into public discourse around transgender people this morning. I went into town for a makeover. Unsurprisingly to people who know me I know absolutely nothing about putting makeup on, so yesterday with Mum and Pauline, I booked for a session at Debinghams in Picadilly gardens. 

They could tell I was a bit stressed and asked if I was OK, I had been up till 5:30 AM upset about what I had heard on Womens Hour yesterday. They were extremely kind and said not to take any notice of it. I got a lesson in how to do makeup and a free makeover which was extremely helpful, I feel like I know enough to start learning more on youtube e.t.c. now. They even got together and put a list of the staffs favourite youtube channels together for me.

I took advantage of it and also got my passport photos re done in one of those booths they still fortunately have at post offices. I look a heck of a lot better, or at least feel better about the photo, even though I may still be a radical and dangerous gender ideology. A threat to some minorities very existance! Even despite the fact they really don’t think so. Keep your children away, and today people have been told I want to cheat at sport, which must be true, just don’t look at any of the scientific studies various sporting bodies have used to allow or deny transgender athletes to participate. OK I am getting side-tracked, I haven’t listened to today’s vitriol, probably best not to lest I end up a made up statistic constructed to silence all the screaming crowds on the media.

SOOOOOOO…. haha, it has been almost a week since I used the GYM, I had to take 2 days off for DOMS, then my injury got quite bad over the weekend, and I had no time yesterday. So got back on the crosstrainer today. This was the dodgy crosstrainer from last time that turned off (the one nearest entrance, for those who know). Short story long, there’s only 2 and someone was on the other so I had to use it again. It felt very easy today. I managed to smash my previous record of 1,354 cal in 60 minutes, getting 1’460 today. It could be possible, I was increasing at over 100 cal per week and this is week 2 and a bit, I was well rested and had peak mental fuel to take out on it, even if I had no sleep. But I definitely want to check on the other machine next time. I will let you know. Putting questions of my own over this one!

By the way, if you are comparing calories burned to this then be careful, on other machines I can do about 900 as a PB for example. The calories burned are individual to each model and make, I do feel I get a good burn on this machine but it makes no sense to compare these values between makes and models. Manufacturers will try and sell more machines by saying it burns more calories, it doesn’t actually mean anything, so don’t move from your bike or rowing machine or whatever other crosstrainer to this to burn more, you might not be in the end. I like it as a way of comparing when you are on the same model though. Lets you track progress.

I have something I am really excited about to tell everyone, I have taken too long already and will try tomorrow, there are some things I want to get ready beforehand. 

By the way, It is really telling that so many people are accepting of transgender people. Even despite the media barrage. I will keep bringing it up though because it genuinely upsets me, and I talk about my mental health issues. I think it is important for people to know what is going on with this attack too, otherwise people thing everything is OK and nothing needs to change, there is so much further to go, even if you don’t need to change. I hope that makes sense. Try and replace the word “transgender” with any other minority, disability or religion or majority and you will see why it is personally upsetting and why it is fuelling hatred. Try it in this question the host of womens hour asked, (I am going off memory) “do you think transgender people are a threat to the existence of lesbians”. Or what the transphobic guest told everyone in the debate “Transgender women are forcing lesbians to sleep with them”. How would you feel if on radio 4 people were suggesting you personally were a threat to lesbians, or you were a rapist because of your gender identity, or any other attribute? I have to live in the atmosphere they create. I know someone who lost her family, and job and became homeless as a result of coming out, and due to the abuse she is getting is considering de-transitioning. Consider the rate amongst transgender people attempting suicide at almost 50%. We are humans just like everyone else and when I get pushed into thinking about suicide I can believe they have blood on their hands. They have a responsibility for what they are saying. But it gets an audience.

Much love to everyone

P.S.

I REALLLY TRIED NOT TO RANT THERE!!!!!!!! 😀 I am staying positive, I chose me middle name well and am relying on that. Look forwards to getting new Passport soon and then driving license. 

Was thinking of putting a photo up but guess I am shy! 🙂

Also I am not intending to attack anyone or group of people with this. The people doing bad things are the people doing bad things. Let me know what you think.

Injury

You can see from my running log that something is going on… I have got exciting running news, but wanted to write about this first. The last red blob was the Bolton Abbey half. On the Wednesday after I was on a slow recovery run and a pain in my right foot built up about half way through, I had to limp home in the cold.

It had swollen up and I found it hard to walk. After a weeks rest to get better I saw the GP thinking maybe something was broken and I had a few other things to talk about. 

Anyway, I got an x-ray and they didn’t think it was a fracture. It could be but the type of fracture might not show up this early. Given an examination though they reckoned it was not a break.

I got compensation straight away, as I really enjoyed marshalling with someone at the new Fletcher Moss Parkrun. By the way, there is now a Parkrun at Fletcher Moss!

To try not going more mad that usual I have joined the gym, and manage to use the cross-trainer without effecting the foot too much. I have been enjoying that but worried I am now too good for the machine, I was going for a PB on Wednesday and the machine just turned off, I lost all the progress. I did another few minutes at the same level and it turned off again… I guess that is quite cool and if true gives me some bragging rights. But would prefer it to work 🙂 Maybe I need to move onto the bike but I always find that really boring and un-motivating in the gym. It has been hard not being able to walk either, as a walk with an audiobook helps just getting out of the flat.

Also thanks to my friend Sam who gave me a pair of crutches, which really come in handy! I seem to get to a point where I can walk fine, like yesterday, but then pay for it when I get back. 

I also got lucky in the fact that the World Chess Championship was on as I was injured. 

I haven’t been too good mentally the last few weeks but it hasn’t been because of the injury, I know I’ve let a few people down.. Overall I have managed this injury much better than before. It hasn’t got to me as bad. As the injury drags on I am getting more worried but nothing too bad. One trick was joining the gym sooner, a lesson I learned from my previous injuries when I always wished I had done it quicker. I think having the 3 HM’s 1 month apart was quite stressful for me so a rest physically and mentally from running should be a good thing, especially when I tell you what I am doing next!

Love you all!!!