Hi all just to let you all know my name is now Sofie, going through the process of changing all my ID.
Had a horrible day today and I’ve taken a nosedive really. I know the people who read this aren’t the problem, but I have to write it down. I hope you know its not about you but I aren’t just going to be quiet. I was walking to a meeting with friends from Cafe Diagnosis and on my way got so many horrible stares of people. One young lady shouted “pervert” out of her car window at me and drove off extremely happy with herself. Then a couple on their cycles started shouting “That’s a man in a dress!! That’s a man in a dress!” Repeatedly whilst another lady stopped and stared at me with contempt.
I am seeing contempt on many women’s faces. That hurts a lot I see it also on men and also get more verbal abuse from men but it hurts worse from women for some reason. You know the thing is when people go out of their way to do that to me, they don’t actually have to worry about it, they can rest assured that I have got the same look or will get it from dozens of people before I get back home. I’m sure they go about their day then and feel good about themselves, and for me it is just destroying my life.
I cant imagine what it takes to do that, I see myself as disfigured and I can’t imagine trying and enjoying going out of my way to make someone’s life worse who is already dealing with something terrible. It doesn’t surprise me that almost half trans people in the UK have attempted suicide. The thing is, if you succeed you wont be in those statistics as you are going to be classified in the wrong gender.
I briefly considered just coming back to my flat but knew it would be bad if I did. I enjoyed meeting the CD gang and feel like I have at least done something today.
Just wanted to do a name changing post but if things are going bad then I’m not going to pretend they are good. I can’t change my name on Facebook because I changed it to Jo, so that will take a month or so but I don’t really care.
There have been some good things recently, I wrote my story a while ago and sent it to a running magazine I really enjoy and they have accepted it so it will be included. I also got a new coffee grinder and am having the best coffee ever.
My confidence is low and mood is rock bottom, have only done 5k this week running wise. I have the Manchester half this weekend but aren’t sure after today whether to go. Being ground down. Thinking of moving to Venus, I know its 90 + Earth atmospheres of pressure at 460 C with clouds of sulphuric acid and everything…